Gastro Ward Journal (Somewhere January of 2015)
I was chasing the chills with a cup of coffee in the morning. I regret not to see the rays of the sun nor her downfall on the way to and home from the hospital. It must have been a lovely escape from the torments between death and life game.
I was enthusiastic to have good one til I step on the room. My patient from yesterday was dried out of IVF and she was lying, the same position I saw from yesterday--the same affect, the same coldness, the same immobility but her daughter insists they had a brisk walk before I came in. If it's a lie or not, I do not know. She has no medications at the bedside and I was wondering why. I made a prescription to get another bottle of IVF to consume for there's no intake except for fluids alone. My patient is restricted to eat by mouth, as for the time being, she cannot also avail any nutrition for her PEG (Percutaneous Endoscopic Gastrostomy) was obstructed.
The PEG enables her to be fed through her stomach but her reaction to a doctor prescribed milk formula seemed to ruin her system. She can hardly breathe, her body stiffed like an oak and sweat profusely like she's about to die.
She groans to me, she cling to me like a child telling her mom she's hurt. I tried to please, to speak for her against my superiors, but even them can't do a thing. Our voices are unheard.
Doctor said, it was the best formula they have to offer to patients having same condition as hers, and she should be more than thankful to be treated as such. In most public hospitals here in the country, no one can complain if they're not receiving the appropriate treatment because the supplies are in extreme scarce. Be thankful for receiving high end medicines and formulas, even if they don't match your system needs. So what my patient does, nods and let her mouth zipped. If she totally submitted herself to the explanation, that I don't know. But I sense depression and hopelessness from those eyes.
"The tube was obstructed. I can no longer push the medication with a blunt force!" the doctor said angrily to the little girl shivering beside, when did you last feed her? She said, "Doctor, I was afraid. I thought my momma's dying. I dont want to let her die like that. So I stopped feeding her. My mother told me she cant tolerate the pain." But the doctor said, "because on what you did, the milk clogged to the hole and now she can't be fed". She tried to explain few thing and walked out dismayed.
It rocked me to my core. The daughter's caring nature against the medical regimen caused her mother's condition to worse. The little girl sat silently. Combed her mothers hair. Changed her unkempt clothes. Then she ask her mother to sit so she could rub her back. And when she places behind. A drop of tear begins to fall. Her neck billowed like she's trying to encapsulate the air. She sniffs a bit but let the waters from her nose flows afterwards. She resisted to be weak. I gave the prescription and the little daughter eyes becomes sore like a fall of tears will come out. And it did. "Ate, wala na kami pambili ng gamot kahit yung swero wala na din. Huling labas na po yung pinambili namen ng KCl kaso bumara na ung jejunostomy ni nanay'"
These were the times that you want to help out but can't do a single thing but a silent prayer in mind. His will be done.
The charged nurse came by to ask for medications but the daughter just bowed down crying. And the nurse just left-- sad and conderned but wont do a thing as well. Hours had passed and unexpected things happened. The patient died at exactly 1:00 am for reason of malnutrition and unavailability for health maintenance. It says there, but I believed emotions played as culprit in her theatre of death. Hopelessness and helplessness.
Incompetence, scarcity, poverty--- lack the worth for the optimum preservation of life.
I was enthusiastic to have good one til I step on the room. My patient from yesterday was dried out of IVF and she was lying, the same position I saw from yesterday--the same affect, the same coldness, the same immobility but her daughter insists they had a brisk walk before I came in. If it's a lie or not, I do not know. She has no medications at the bedside and I was wondering why. I made a prescription to get another bottle of IVF to consume for there's no intake except for fluids alone. My patient is restricted to eat by mouth, as for the time being, she cannot also avail any nutrition for her PEG (Percutaneous Endoscopic Gastrostomy) was obstructed.
The PEG enables her to be fed through her stomach but her reaction to a doctor prescribed milk formula seemed to ruin her system. She can hardly breathe, her body stiffed like an oak and sweat profusely like she's about to die.
She groans to me, she cling to me like a child telling her mom she's hurt. I tried to please, to speak for her against my superiors, but even them can't do a thing. Our voices are unheard.
Doctor said, it was the best formula they have to offer to patients having same condition as hers, and she should be more than thankful to be treated as such. In most public hospitals here in the country, no one can complain if they're not receiving the appropriate treatment because the supplies are in extreme scarce. Be thankful for receiving high end medicines and formulas, even if they don't match your system needs. So what my patient does, nods and let her mouth zipped. If she totally submitted herself to the explanation, that I don't know. But I sense depression and hopelessness from those eyes.
"The tube was obstructed. I can no longer push the medication with a blunt force!" the doctor said angrily to the little girl shivering beside, when did you last feed her? She said, "Doctor, I was afraid. I thought my momma's dying. I dont want to let her die like that. So I stopped feeding her. My mother told me she cant tolerate the pain." But the doctor said, "because on what you did, the milk clogged to the hole and now she can't be fed". She tried to explain few thing and walked out dismayed.
It rocked me to my core. The daughter's caring nature against the medical regimen caused her mother's condition to worse. The little girl sat silently. Combed her mothers hair. Changed her unkempt clothes. Then she ask her mother to sit so she could rub her back. And when she places behind. A drop of tear begins to fall. Her neck billowed like she's trying to encapsulate the air. She sniffs a bit but let the waters from her nose flows afterwards. She resisted to be weak. I gave the prescription and the little daughter eyes becomes sore like a fall of tears will come out. And it did. "Ate, wala na kami pambili ng gamot kahit yung swero wala na din. Huling labas na po yung pinambili namen ng KCl kaso bumara na ung jejunostomy ni nanay'"
These were the times that you want to help out but can't do a single thing but a silent prayer in mind. His will be done.
The charged nurse came by to ask for medications but the daughter just bowed down crying. And the nurse just left-- sad and conderned but wont do a thing as well. Hours had passed and unexpected things happened. The patient died at exactly 1:00 am for reason of malnutrition and unavailability for health maintenance. It says there, but I believed emotions played as culprit in her theatre of death. Hopelessness and helplessness.
Incompetence, scarcity, poverty--- lack the worth for the optimum preservation of life.
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